Better Tyranny through comedy
TYRANNOPEDIA: the cast of "dix" characters
MORTY BERGSTEINOWITZ
MORTY BERGSTEINOWITZ is the Tryant's PR Guy. He's your quintessential cigar-chomping Jewish New York talent agent, and his favorite client is the Tyrant. The Tyrant is quite possibly his ONLY client! Out of his seedy office in New Urbanopolis, he's constantly booking appearances for the Tyrant: Talk shows, Speaking engagements, shopping center openings. He understands very well that politics IS showbiz! The Tyrant is Morty's cash cow and he's gonna milk him for every drop. Morty is responsible for creating the TYRANNOPOD podcast.
Morty's appearance is slicked-back hair, big thick Swifty Lazaar eyeglasses, and an ill-fitting plaid coat. His 20-year-old cigar never leaves his mouth except for him to gesture with it, waving it about like a conductor's baton. His brash, showy speech is often laced with contrived profanities and completely made-up Yiddish (which I call "Yidderish") expressions, similar to Mike Meyer's "Ganektagazoink."
Morty Bergsteinowitz will make his Tyrannovision debut in the TYRANNOPOD podcast and in the movie Empire Highway.
MINIONS
THE TYRANT
Dr. KLINDOWIENER
DR. KLINDOWIENER (a.k.a HANS RUDI KLINDOWIENER or DR. K.) is Tyrantulania's equivalent to James Bond's "Q". He is the science guy who creates all of the Tyrant's crazy advanced technology. He's also the guy brought in to "explain" things when necessary. His personality is that of the mercurial German toymaker, and he loves constantly developing new gadgets. Dr. K can almost always be seen clutching some piece of technology, usually the weird transparent clipboard he carries around. Whatever the situation, he has the gadgets to mitigate it, and the expository dialog to explain it all. He wears a white lab coat or coverall suit, and strange goggles with all kinds of instrumentation. If he's not clutching a gadget, he's clutching a beer, or Greta the Slave-Girl (Elaan Ardix).
Besides whatever obvious weapons of mass destruction the characters often discuss, the two prime examples of Dr. K's handiwork are the Holopod and the Anti-Good Shield Generator. Dr. K. is also soon to unveil an economical Tyrantmobile called the Super Hybrid Imperial Transport, a small Smart-type car that runs on urine, and has an artificially intelligent on-board GPS computer (Lt. Adams 2247). Other inventions include the DXM, the Roddenberry, and the Emplasmic Dissonator. When Dr. K is on duty in his lab, or anywhere else where he is on-the-clock he is always clutching a futuristic clipboard, but when he's traveling about he carries around a strange hi-tech carrying case that opens to morph into whatever portable gadget he needs; a "Bag of Tricks" as it were.
Because the Tyrant is symbiotically dependent on Dr. K for all of the technology that keeps him in absolute power, he is the only person who can really sass back the Tyrant and get away with it. Dr. K and the Tyrant have been best friends since they first met in high school when Hans was a foreign exchange student from Germany (Germany by way of 'ToonTown, that is!). They are "Hetero Life Partners" of sorts, and thus often bicker like an old married couple. He is almost jealously protective of the Tyrant, and was never a big fan of "Empress" Tyra Ruehls, whom he felt was the Tyrant's Achilles' Heel back in high school.
The name "Klindowiener" is actually a spoonerism of "Window Cleaner". A clear plastic industrial face shield that I wore during my years as a bronze foundryman was a little schmootzy, and I meant to say, "Boy, I could sure use some Window Cleaner", but it came out "Clindow Weaner". After the laughter died down I realized that that little spoonerism sounded like a great name for a German Scientist. When Tyrannovision came into my life, I pulled "Dr. Klindowiener" from my mental file case, and he became embodied! The character is somewhat modeled on oil-painter Bill Alexander, and Gustav "Gus" Appelbaum, an old German mechanic who serviced my 1967 Volkswagen, and seemed to be happiest whenever he was complaining.
Because Dr. Klindowiener is such a hands-on guy, most of the physical props used in TYRANNOVISION are gadgets and equipment used by Hans. I created the funky sci-fi look of his props by making them all out of glassy clear plastic. I am constantly scouring thrift stores for clear plastic objects and tubing that look like bits and pieces of klidowiener technology. I also cannibalize soda bottles and blister cards. Hot glue huns add detail, as well as hold everyhing together.
THE TYRANT (a.k.a. TYRANNOVISION TYRANT, GLORIOUS IMPERIOUS TYRANT, "BOSS") --The TYRANT is only known by his title. His first and last name are unknown....though he probably gets CALLED a lotta names behind his back. He possesses supernatural powers and an arsenal of advanced technology which he wields to rule his empire of Tyrantulania and defeat his enemies. He fancies himself a sort of baadass "Sith Lord", even going as far as to have a minion whose sole job it is to make the Darth Vader iron lung sound whenever the Tyrant addresses the public. Knowing that Power is an aphrodisiac, The Tyrant has a cadre of slave-girls, concubines, and whomever he picks up at his favorite watering hole, Trader Dix.
Of course, this being comedy, not everything works perfectly for him. His technology and super powers often backfire on him with cartoon-violent results, a la Wile E. Coyote. A blustery bombast in the grand tradition of Ralph Kramden, the Tyrant is at his funniest when he is upset or injured. In spite of that, he loves his job, and is a rather happy Dictator. This is often evident in the informal way he relates to his underlings and subjects. He is addressed simply as "Boss", like a 1920's gangster. Unlike a Sith Lord, he doesn't impulsively kill a minion who fails a task, but rather prefers to abuse them or pull a revenge prank on them like farting in an elevator in a highly combustible way.
The Tyrant grew up in a small town called Mt. Magma, named for the active volcano around which it was built. The people there worship a volcano-god named LA'VAH whom they're pretty sure is responsible for the volcano never violently erupting. They credit virgin sacrifice for appeasing La'Vah's wrath. The Tyrant, in his youth, caught the attention of La'Vah when he would wait atop Mt.Magma's caldera and, being the lusty lothario that he is, "deflower" the female virgins before they threw themselves into the volcano. La'Vah revealed himself to the young Tyrant and bestowed god-like supernatural powers upon him.
At Mt. Magma High School, the Tyrant quickly established himself as the campus Bully. Even the Rollerball team was afraid of him. It is also there where he met a geeky German foreign exchange student named Hans Klindowiener and the two became fast friends. The Tyrant protected Hans from the school ruffians and nurtured his inventive scientific creativity. This was an unusual friendship, because normally these two types would be natural enemies in the wild.
While High School was little more than a serial sex-fest for the young Tyrant, there were two girls who were significant in his life. One was Bettye Bentyne (Elaan Ardix), a sweet, bookish, shy Valedictorian who pined romantically for the Tyrant, but never received any romantic affections from the Tyrant in return. Because she was the third member of their little teenage posse, she was relegated to the "Friend" ghetto. The other girl was a tempestous childhood sweetheart named Tyra Ruehls, who was, in fact, the first girl to take the Tyrant's own virginity. Through the years Tyra and the Tyrant had an on-again-off-again serial affair with one another characterized by unbridled passion and furious arguments, as they were both Alpha personalities. Possessing the Bosom of Power, she was the only one who seemed capable of bending the Tyrant to her wishes, much to the resentment of Hans Klindowiener and Bettye Bentyne, who both became highly protective of the Tyrant. Tyra Ruehls went away for many years after graduating and became the Empress of the Imperial United Dominion (the IUD), a faraway empire on another continent. The Tyrant and Empress Tyra sometimes now bump into one another at convenings of United Tyrants International (The UTI). Bettye went off to college, got married, and had a normal life somewhere, her schoolgirl love of the Tyrant unrequited.
After high school (and possibly during) the Tyrant worked as a male stripper under the pseudonym "Tight-Ass Mandronicus". His particular gimmick was threating men in the audience with lap-dances if they didn't fork over the dough! It was during this period he learned of the UTI, when they hired stripteasers for an annual convention, and Tight-Ass Mandronicus was one of the performers sent from the agency to entertain the female tyrants there.
Very little is documented about the Tyrant's rise to power and how he overthrew a corrupted democracy and installed himself as a dictatorship. Weapons of Mass Destruction (developed by "Doctor" Hans Klindowiener) may have been involved in the process. All we know is that what was once the Conjoined Continental Countries (CCC or "the ThreeCee") is now Tyrantulania.
THE TYRANT's MINONS are collectively known militarily as the Gorgeous Guard. They all look exactly alike and are differentiated only in voice,dialect and personality. Here are the key recurring Minion characters:
FRICK and FRACK are the two bumbling nincompoops who work directly under the Tyrant. FRICK FIRGENS, quite possibly the smarter one, speaks with a slightly lower, grunty voice (Based on that of my highs school biology teacher). FRACK BOWERY speaks with a higher squeaky Brooklynese New York "Dead End Kid" voice and dialect, saying things like "Aw, geez, Bwoss!" They are the Larry and Curly to the Tyrant's Moe.
The SPOKESMINION, by his authoritarian nature, is obviously a higher ranking Minion than Frick & Frack. His job is to stonewall the press with Governmentese double-talk in a painfully droning voice. Although they haven't been seen talking to one another, it's a pretty sure bet that he talks like that to everyone, even the Tyrant, confounding him as much as he confounds reporters. Speaking in a thick Texas accent, the Spokesminion is based on every public official, police officer and gym coach that I experienced when I was growing up in Texas (I'm originally from California, but like George "Dubya" Bush, was transplanted to Texas long enough to develop a Texas accent). Many of the things the Spokesminion says are actually lifted straight from sound bytes or quotes from public officials in the news, and tweaked just a bit to fit Tyrannovision's needs.
The IRON LUNG SOUND GUY is a minion whose only job is to make that Darth Vader breathing sound to enhance the Tyrant's malevolent vibe. I haven't been using him as much because it's a pain in the ass to constantly composite him into videos with constantly changing angles, so I'm limiting his use to occasions where the Tyrant addresses the public.
The SENIOR DRILL COMMANDER (a.k.a. JEROME COTTONWOOD) is the guy who makes sure the troops march in correct formation, stand at attention, and present arms. He's there for a small platoon or the entire army. His character is that of the standard-issue fussy Gay dance choreographer...totally the opposite of the gruff Marine drill sergeant, but--as any professional dancer can tell you--just as abusive! Before a parade or battle formation he'll clap his hands in that annoying attention-grubbing fashion and say things like, "Okay, people! Just like we did in rehearsal, girls, but get it right this time....a-FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!" He is visually characterized by a different helmet with big pink feather plumes on it and a pink feather boa shrugged about his arms. Jerome will make his debut in the finale of "The Trial of Doctor Interact" as well as function as the Program Director for the TYRANNOPOD audio podcast.
The TROLLGRES are also new characters, not as yet introduced at the time of this posting. They're a different kind of Minion. 12ft tall, with gray skin and scant, spiky red uniforms, they are fearsome creatures to behold. No one is sure if they are Trolls or Ogres, so they refer to themselves in a hybridized term "Trollgre". Lumbering into battle they either wield giant hammers or are firing super-heavy artillery that a normal human couldn't lift. Their appearance strikes fear into those who behold them for the first time....until they speak. Then their true nature is revealed: they're basically by-the-book military clerks, so afraid of losing their jobs that they do not bend protocol for anybody, even the Tyrant! Your weapon jams or runs out of ammo in the heat of combat? Tough shit. You gotta fill out the proper requisition forms in triplicate! And they always seem to miraculously have these forms with them. This is why they have red uniforms: They're the RED TAPE guys!
The Trollgres speak in very thick Midwestern accents from the region of Tyrantulania knowns as "Wisconsota". Picture the movie Fargo, but with monsters instead of humans. "We Dohn't knoh if we're Trohlls 'r OHgres. We cahll ahrselves TrOHllgres, dohn'tcha knoh." Some are mechanics to the Tyrantmobile, always needing to "Ohrder mohre cahr pahrts", or they're traffic cops, riding around on disproportionately small motorcyles.
It is not known whether the Trollgres are a genetically engineered species or a naturally occurring mythological beast. I'm leaning toward the latter. The only reason the Tyrant gives for recruiting Trollgres into the Gorgeous Guard is that they're "big and scary."
The Trollgres will make their debut at the opening of the Tyrannovision feature-length movie, Empire Highway. I predict that they will become audience favorites very quickly.
MISCELLANEOUS OTHER "DIX" CHARACTERS
ANDY NOUNCER is the perky voice-over announcer doing the introductions to "Ask Your Tyrant" and the TYRANNOPOD. He also plugs a show's sponsors. So far, Andy is only heard, but never seen. It might be a foregone conclusion that he's another Gorgeous Guard minion.
BILLY BOORE (a.k.a. "Caller #1" on the first "Ask The Tyrant" episode) is a documentary filmmaker in the Michael Moore mode, who keeps trying to interview the Tyrant, but never quite gets at him. I haven't really figured out a way to revive him on the show yet. I may have him do a series of short films, rather than be in the full-length movies.
BAHAMA BIN BADDEN-BADDEN is a "professional" terrorist from the country of Arabistan who leads the al-Bhundhi terrorist organization. A big fan of the "Ask The Tyrant" show, he likes to get technical advice from the Tyrant. Although he was killed off, I had a lot of fun playing Bahama, and since preposterous fantasy is a hallmark of TYRANNOVISION, I'm sure I could resurrect him in some fashion. He wil be aided and abetted by his mother, who is named--of course--BAHAMA-MAMA BIN BADDEN-BADDEN (Me in a black byrka and heavy eye makeup).
DUBYA (a.k.a. GEORGE W. BUSH) called in to "Ask The Tyrant" to request a dismantling of Tyrantulania's WMD stockpile, and only wound up pissing off the Tyrant, who suspects Dubya of being in cahoots with his passive-agressive nemesis, Sylar. Dubya is presented as a sort of Max Headroom-style animated character, complete with the electronic hiccups, which are strangely appropriate for the character since the real guy stutters a lot. Even though he's no longer occupying the White House, his evil nature makes him a wannabe tyrant, so he's working to get into the exclusive tyrant club, United Tyrants International (UT!), a sort of UN for despotic dictators and ubervillains.
COL. MUENSTER 7734 is an evil alien entity from the same planet as LT.ADAMS 2247. Having taken over the body of one of the Tyrant's minions, he operates from a secret base in the Tyrantulanian wastelands. His constant companion is an evil fluffy white Persian cat named Li'l Bastard (the late Binky the Cat). Because Lt. Adams is German, I wanted Col. Muenster to be German as well, but to differentiate his character distinctively from Dr. Klindowiener, I have Muenster speak only IN German. Peter (Lt. Adams) has functioned as my German dialog coach for the character. The further adventures of Col. Muenster are as yet unknown.
COURTBOTS were created especially for the courtroom scene of "Trial of Dr. Interact". I liked the idea of an "impartial" judge and jury (and bailiff) being made up entirely of machines. The courtbots consist of the Adjudicator XP Legal Computer, The Juroids, The Bailiff-Bot, and the Transl8R-bot. I designed all the characters in Photoshop and animated them in ImageReady, SqirlzMorph, CrazyTalk, and Wild Photo Effects. They are 2D animated characters but with KrisInteract's new 3D skills could now be easily translated into 3D models. I used Audacity to robotize the voices of the characters in various ways.
The TYRANT's BIOLOGICAL FAMILY still resides in their Mt. Magma home, and will be introduced in "Empire Highway" in a supper table scene reminiscent of Eddie Murphy's stellar multiple character scenes in the Nutty Professor movies. No matter how rich or powerful you get, your bio-family is always there to take the piss out of you.
LA'VAH is a Balrog-like volcano god worshipped by the people of Mt. Magma, and who gave the Tyrant his supernatural powers. The Tyrant met him when he would regularly deflower the virgin women who were being sacrificed to La'Vah to appease the god from causing Mt. Magma to violently erupt and decimate the town.
"RETURN TO OUR SHOW"
Music by Nick Baker, Lyrics by Baron Dixon
Original content Copyright c Baron Dixon. All rights reserved.
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