TYRANTULANIA...Land of Tyranny, and the Home of the Slave

TYRANTULANIA and its neighboring lands are FICTITIOUS, ALLEGORICAL places amassed on a fictitious "Eighth" Continent on Earth called MITOCHONDRIA, roughly the size of North America. It's not in some "Alternate" universe or dimension, nor is it on another planet. It can be reached by boat or plane (And in one instance, a meteor). It's best not to think too much about it, really. Tyrantulania as a fictitious allegorical construct is not without literary or cinematic precedent. A previous season of "24" boasts a fictitious African nation called "Sengala", "Middle Earth" is basically a medieval western Europe rearranged for a fantasy world, "Taxi's" Latka Gravas and "That 70's Show's" Fez both come from completely fictitious foreign lands, "Syrianna" is the fictionalized Arab region in the movie of the same name, and in many action thrillers the heroes go to any one of a number of fictious South American banana republics. Oh, and let us not forget Springfield, Shelbyville and Capital City on "The Simpsons"! Tyrantulania is part of that grand tradition, and in the Tyrannovision universe it coexists on Earth with all the 7 other known continents. As with "Syrianna", a fictitious Arab country called "Arabistan" is tucked into the Middle east somewhere. There is no explainable logic to these fictitious worlds except that they exist solely in service to the gags in Tyrannovision. Just "go with it."

The Northern Hemisphere continent of MITOCHONDRIA can be subdivided into three major nations: 1)COULDADA to the north, 2)LATINIGUA to the south, and 3)TYRANTULANIA sandwiched between the two. Tyrantulania is roughly the size of the United States, and has several Florida-like peninsulas on both coasts, giving it the look of a crudely drawn spider, or crab. when looking at it on a map or from space. Off the eastern seaboard is the large island nation of SANTA BANANA and way off in the western ocean is the small island nation of TIKINESIA Other countries of note are the IMPERIAL UNITED DOMINION (the I.U.D.) and ARABISTAN in the Eurasian Middle East desert region.

TYRANTULANIA is largely shrouded in mystery...mainly because it's often shrouded in a perpetually overcast cloud cover, conjectured to be created by industrial pollution, volcanic ash, nuclear fallout, or even just plain ol' bad weather maintained by a climate manipulation device created by Dr. Hans Rudi Klindowiener. There has also been rumblings within the various outside tyrant organizations of some kind of periphery dome force field holding all that cloudage in. Whatever it is, it makes Tyrantulania difficult for space-based surveillance, and the only clues to what goes on in Tyrantulania comes from the Tyrannovision broadcasts received by the outside world. Being that Tyrantulania is under the control of a Totalitarian Dictatorship, it's safe to say that the content of those broadcasts is also tightly controlled.

Tyrantulania has two main national products: Weapons of Mass Destruction and Red Paint/Dye. The national Flag bears a menacing black letter "T" over a field of red and black. Its military branch is called the Gorgeous Guard, but its soldiers and officers are more loosely referred to as "minions". Much of the landscape of Tyrantulania resembles the land of "Mordor", largely colorless, with craggy twisted mountains, cracked wastelands, numerous volcanoes and blackened craters. However, there are regions of rich vegetation and farmlands as well, but the bad weather makes it all look rather bleak. Tyrantulania is on the only continent on Earth where dinosaurs didn't completely die off, and some roam the lands with the occasional run-in with human enclaves. Other species have been domesticated as farm animals and pets.

Not much has been revealed about how or when the Tyrant seized power, but prior to his installation as tyrannical Dicctator, Tyrantulania was a Democratic country very similar in nature to the United States of America. It was called the Conjoined Continental Countries, or CCC, or ThreeCee(3C). It had elections and presidents, legislatures and judges. It had a Constitution. It also had been overrun by corruption. The Tyrant figured that a large nation that could easily be taken over by corrupt morons would be easy pickin's for his own despotic agenda. Upon the Tyrant's revocation of the CCC's Constitution, he made many sudden reforms, revealing the Tyrant as a confounding mix of extreme liberalism and extreme conservatism. These Imperial reforms include:

  • 1) Abolition of all organized religion. The one possible exception being the worship of LA'VAH, a fiery god that lives in the Tyrant's hometown volcano, Mt. Magma. Worshipping the Tyrant himself is also permitted, and is even encouraged in the Tyrantulanian national anthem. Why not? He's muy zzzzzexxxyyyy!

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      • 2) Special Interest Lobbyists are illegal. Only the Tyrant's interests are what matters.

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          • 3) Prostitution is legal, as are all drugs and gambling. Although carefully controlled with behavioral guidelines for users, these once criminalized activities have become a boon for Tyrantulania's economy. Drugs are plentiful and produced domestically, and the private sector is more effective at restricting their use than the government is. No one wants to hire a stoner, so those who want the good jobs, don't do drugs, period.

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              • 4) The Penal system is brutally effective and has many tiers of punishment or rehabilitation. Prisons are no longer storage for bad people. Prisoners actively serve the state. Sex Offenders are made into eunuchs, and the more violent criminals have the option of medical experimentation, or hard labor in the Explodium mines.

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                  • 5) Homelessness is now eradicated. There are no bums. Everyone serves the state in some fashion. If a person can't choose an effective career for themselves, they will be conscripted to a job of the state's choice.

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                      • 6) Illegal immigration is no longer a problem. Citizenship equals Slavery in Tyrantulania, and foreginers are quickly conscripted into servitude in the crappier jobs. As a result, there are no fences preventing illegal entry into Tyrantulania. People from the neighboring lands AVOID these borders...and pray that Tyrantulania never invades THEIR countries.

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                          • 7) There is no death penalty. The dead make poor slaves.

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                              • 8) Anyone can marry whomever they please. There are no tax advantages either way, and Tyrantulania's bridal industries have flourished. Since religion is illegal, marriage is a contractual term agreement, which can be periodically renewed, renegotiated or terminated.

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                                  • 9) Alternative sexual lifestyles and practices amongst consenting adults is welcome. In fact, many of the slaves in Tyrantulania--especially the Slave-Girls in the Tyrant's fortress--are lifestyle slaves. The Statue of Slavery, long regarded by most of the outside world as a symbol of subjugation and oppression, is actually a beacon of sexual freedom. The large plaque just below the Statue itself beckons visitors with the simple declaration' "I WANT YOU INSIDE ME."

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                                      • 10) One of the most ironic edicts from the Tyrant is that schoolchildren do NOT "Pledge allegiance" to any Flag at the start of the school day. Let's face it, the have no choice in the matter. The Tyrant runs the show! It doesn't need to be restated by schoolchildren. Instead, from kindergarten up, the children recite the old CCC Constitution (Younger ones just memorize and recite the Preamble), so that the words that declared the freedoms their parents abdicated in favor of "security" and dumb complacency are ingrained on their hearts and souls.

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                                          It is generally accepted that the Tyrant's overthrow of the corrupted democratic regime was not a peaceful one, and that destructive weapons may have been involved. The evidence pointing to this are the decimated Capitol Ruins, a fenced-in "reservation" of sorts for members of the old regime who now live a savage, ferile existence, stripped of their power and wealth.
                                           
                                          Tyrantulania possesses a nuclear arsenal capable of incinerating the planet several times over. However, these enriched Explodium bombs are more often detonated recreationally, in lieu of fireworks, because--let's face it--blowing things up is FUN. This accounts for the deep blast craters that pepper the wastelandic regions of the country. For all the Tyrant's bluster, he happily keeps Tyrantulania in an isolationist policy. He doesn't really seek to conquer new worlds, but enjoy the power he has over his own. He has enslaved his own people so that no one ELSE will. The problem is that the Tyrant's success in achieving absolute power has made Tyrantulania and himself much larger and desirable targets for other Tyrants who want to expand their empires, or fear that our Tyrant may come after theirs.